What God taught me through the story of Israel and their kings

“No! But there shall be a king over us, that we may be like the other nations.” – 1 Samuel 8:19-20

I was eleven years old, and out of the blue, I was suddenly “in love”, struck with foreign feelings that felt stronger than anything I’d ever experienced before. I was convinced that he was The One, and I spent hours everyday daydreaming about our future together (despite the fact that we’d had a grand total of maybe 3 interactions.) 

But then something unexpected happened.

I moved on, to yet another guy who I thought was The One.

For the last five or so years, I’ve fallen in and out of “love” (I put quotation marks because, if we’re being honest, most of these boys were just temporary infatuations 😂), and everytime I found a new guy, I’ve thought he was The One. I’ve prayed nonstop for a boyfriend, and watched from the sidelines as my friends entered relationships. I’ve gotten mad, wondered if God loved my friends more than me, and coveted the kind of love that I read about in books.

I’ve even gone as far as throwing myself into meaningless relationships (well, I’m not sure if they count as actual relationships) that only last for a few weeks. Each one of these left me drained, and like a vulture, at the end of each of these, I scavenged for a new guy, desperate to feel loved. I’ve told countless guys I liked them, only to be told they didn’t feel the same way. I’ve looked for fulfillment in girls too– those led to less rejections, but more heartbreak, as I watched myself break God’s heart with every new girl I moved on to.

I read through my middle school journals now, and laugh. I have entire notebooks filled up with rambles about boys, boys that only stayed on my radar for a fragment of a moment. 

A few weeks ago, I was praying to God about a guy, and the prayer turned into more of a tantrum, and before I knew it, my heart was stomping it’s feet like some kind of bratty toddler, and I was almost mad at God. How could He give everyone fulfillment except for me?

It was then that I felt a nudge from the Holy Spirit. The story of Israel searching for a king when their true King was right in front of them crossed my mind, and instantly I felt convicted. 

I’ve prayed countless times, “Lord, so-and-so has a boyfriend. why don’t i?”, just like I’m sure Israel said, “Lord, that country over there has a king. why don’t we?” 

I was Israel, and a boyfriend was my king.

And God? God is supposed to be my fulfillment. Yet, everytime He reminded me of that, I’ve shaken my head and insisted that I want a human to fulfill me. Just like Israel did.

Things have started making sense. The Lord has, over the years, given me my fair share of “kings:, and none of the fulfilled me. None of them left me with that magic feeling that books promised me. And just like Israel, none satisfied me. I kept moving on, trying to find The One.

And on that night, a few weeks ago, I felt God whispering to my heart that only He could be The One. Only He could fulfill me. Nothing else could bring me this contentment, this satisfaction.

He was my King, but I wanted to look everywhere but in Him.

This world will have its fair share of “kings”, but none will truly ever give me what I look for. It is only when I raise my eyes heavenward that I find what I search for.

What about you? Where have you been looking for fulfillment? Can you relate? Let me know in the comments ❤

Ad Gloriam Dei.